Interpersonal conflict, be it direct or indirect, is a fact of life. Whether we liked it or not, it will always be there whenever people of varying characters rub shoulders or work together through everyday life. Even though conflicts can turn out to produce positive results if handled correctly, it often leads to a huge amount of unpleasantness in the process.

In my opinion, as stated above, I see interpersonal conflicts being direct or indirect. The former is usually easier to deal with as it often involves both conflicting party directly talking out and taking it out on each other face on. One such example may be the many quarrel sessions in meetings or project discussions where both parties expresses their unhappiness directly against each other’s conflicting views. However, the latter is usually much harder to resolve and can escalate to irresolvable situation for both party involved. So what causes or what are indirect conflicts? I believe this is very common in many workplaces or organisations. Gossips. This one powerful “tool” can cause two unacquainted party to hate each other or develop bad feelings against each other for no reason. Even for a third party, being in this situation will also put him in a very difficult and awkward position. For my next few paragraphs, I would like to share one such situation which I was caught as the third party and I did not really know what to do.

It took place in my army days (a period where many enemies or great “brothers” were found). It was the first day of my new posting and once we in process, we were assigned to 8 men bunks. We will have to spend 10 weeks together before graduating as medics. That was the first time I saw Alson. He was a rather quiet chap who minds his own business in unpacking his stuff into his designated metal cupboard in a corner of the room. Being a chatty person, I decided to walk over and say “Hi” to him, which he responded with a smile and a soft “hello” but continues to unpack his stuff. That kind of ended our first conversation. After the unpacking, our lessons started and days went by. Alson soon found himself fame as he aced all the medical tests and practicals, and this caused many people to start talking about him. “Hey, you know Alson from platoon 4 right? He scored full again! Wah, I heard his father is a doctor, must be what made him so smart!” “No lar, I always see him hanging out with our sergeants. I think he cheats in tests.” Conversations such as these were exchanging everywhere. Things went on until the fifth week. Throughout this time, he did have good relations with our bunkmates and his buddy but did not like to take part in alot of our conversations in the evening free time. Most of the evening time will be spent jogging alone. But things start to escalate in the sixth week. We were having a soccer match that week and Alson broke his ankle in the process. That caused him to be on medical leave for one week. During this week, I was very surprised to return to my bunk everyday to hear stories about him which I never know. “What you guys think about him? I don’t really like this guy. Every time we ask him out on weekends he always refuse, or give some excuses last minute stating he could not come” said my bunk in-charge. “Yah. I don’t quite like him too! I thought I was the only one having problem with him but I guess I am not alone. He likes to borrow my money during canteen breaks and either never returns them or short change me” said my buddy. “Yes, remember he always talks about bringing snacks back over the weekend but he never did? All the medical terms he can remember so well, but not the snacks. After that he just conveniently shares with all of us like he contributed” said his buddy. Soon the conversations went towards developing bad feelings about him and even for me who did not know him well, started to have bad impressions about him.

By the end of his medical leave, he returned back to his bunk expecting people to welcome him or at least help him. But what he saw was a different scene. My bunkmates start to ignore and ostracise him. I bet he was clueless as to why he was given such a different treatment before and after his medical leave. I tried to help him with his movements sometimes (due to his broken ankle) and was scolded by my bunkmates later. This dragged on for a few more days and finally he approached me one weekend and asked me what was going on after seeing that I was quite a neutral party. I told him what happened during the week he was not around and he remained expressionless. After that, I told him I do not wish to talk about the incident anymore as I know the feeling of falling prey to other people’s words. That was one of the last conversations I had with him. After that, my bunkmates virtually treated him as invisible, even after he tried to approach a few of the bunkmates to talk. This awkward situation lasted till a week before graduation and he asked to be taken out of course blaming on his broken ankle. Neither me nor my bunkmates have seen or talked to him after that.

Analysing the situation above, I really did not know what to do in the situation as a third party. I was of course not alone as a third party, but the gossips caught fast and it caused many neutral feelings to sway. If I try to talk to him, I risk conflicting with my bunkmates. If I try to talk to my bunkmates, I risk worsening the situation. Thus the best thing I did at that time was to observe, and see how gossips totally destroyed this “perfect” course mate and caused him to drop out of course. I can imagine how big a blow this might have caused him, but there was nothing I could do.

Thus even till today, I can resolve many direct conflicts by understanding what the other party is misunderstanding or letting things cool off and seek third party help, but when it comes to indirect conflicts such as backstabs, gossips etc., I remain clueless to its solution and tries to keep away from these “politics” as much as I can. The only thing I can do is trust in my friends, and the only thing I can console myself with if this happens to me is that this process will help me sieve out my true friends.

Communication, one major factor that determines humans from other species, has been constantly developed over our evolutionary history. Our ability to articulate and accurately flow our ideas from one individual to another makes humans by large a story telling being. Thus to be able to communicate effectively has become one of the more important aspect of our everyday lives. In every corner of the world, people are actively communicating with one another, developing ideas, sharing knowledge and learning from one another. Even hermits who chose to live at the outskirt of human habitats still keep their humanity as they still retain the ability to communicate.

The term “communication” thus affects everybody, and as humans evolve, people start to look at ways to achieve “effective communication”. Technologies are developed and many of these technologies aim to shorten intrapersonal distances. One such “famous” technology is the onset of cellphones. Looking at the cellphone’s sales figures, it is very easy to get a sense of how rapid this technology is affecting our lives. According to the statistics from the market database Wireless Intelligence, it took 20 years for the first billion mobile phones to sell worldwide. The second billion is achieved in four years and the third billion is reached in just two years. I recently came across an article titled: Can cellphone help end global poverty? (Sara Corbett, 2008) and was very drawn in by her discussion about how important telecommunications are not only to the more well-off population, but to the poor as well. In one of her interviews, it actually shocked me to know that in very poor families studied, even before they could meet their basic needs, they aim to fulfil telecommunications first above all other. And when these families’ income grow, say from $1 per day to $4 a day, their expenses in the information-communication technology grow much more than compared to housing or even health expenses.

This need for telecommunication is also very much seen in the part of the world that is better-off. Taking me for example, I recall an incident where I forgot to charge my handphone and it went dead midday. This caused a catastrophe to the rest of my day as I end up going late for meetings, missing out on urgent announcements and blamed for being uncontactable. The feeling of not being to contact anyone just makes me feel very out of place.

Thus with so many devices around us that enhances “effective” communication (such as internet, fax machines, handphones etc.) it is not hard to see the importance of effectively communicating with one another at the technology level.

Effective communication broadly looks at two levels. The first which was discussed above looks at how one can successfully “connect” to or reach the target of communication. The second looks at how an idea is accurately brought across to the target of communication. This second aspect is especially important for me in my field of study: Science. Science is all about understanding one another; Understanding each other’s thoughts, ideas and research. Communication in my field of study emphasizes a lot on accuracy and details. Misunderstandings may lead to very undesirable outcomes.

Thus both aspect of effective communication be it at the technology or personal level, are very important to me. One allows me to connect to my communication partner, and the other ensures my ideas are accurately conveyed.